Thursday, May 17, 2012

Grow Up

I can't handle adult cry babies!!!

I had a terrible nights sleep last night due to the phone call received right before bedtime, not a good thing with two of the little ones showing up today :(  It has been a very long depressing day to be sure.

I am not very tolerant of irresponsible adults, now that I type that I guess I should revise it to say I have NO tolerance for irresponsible adults!!! I have such a member in my family that calls on a pretty regular bases always crying about money, poor pitiful me, I can't make it, but with X amount of dollars from you everything will be hunky dory again. Over the years I have counseled her on how to cut back, where to cut back, I have tried my best to wake her up to the reality that only she can make the changes in her life to become an adult that stands on her own two feet. When she had a minor child still living at home more often than not our wallet was always open. I couldn't stand to think her DD might go without.  I realized later she had been using  many of us within the family for financial help with the same song and dance, for a long time grrrr

In the past year we have been ask for a little help each month in the amount of $650.00. Let me make this clear, she expected us to send her a check each month forever I am thinking for that amount. Another time we were ask for $142,000.00. She couldn't afford her home but if we could just pay it off she would do fine, she was willing to add our name to the deed of the home, mighty nice of her don't you think. Oh me, oh my, the property taxes are due, I need $2,000.00 in 4 days or the tax man will be after me. I don't have any money for food, I have nothing in the house to eat, I don't know what to do, (OK that one got me, I sent a gift card to a local grocery store) The lists of emergencies she has had over the past year is to numerous to count.

I made up my mind some years ago that enough was enough. In a last ditch effort we offered to pay her DD tuition to college, the only stipulation was she would have to send us her mid term reports so we knew she was really working at her education. We got a call back a few days later that they were ready to jump on the offer however DD had a car payment of $500.00 a month so we needed to include that in the costs. ARE YOU CRAZY, sell the car today, we will purchase a good used car for cash that can get her to and from school. No deal, she loved her new car and Mom wanted her in a nice reliable car, not something like our own DD's had been driving.

She came into some money a few years back, I am talking 6 figures, it could have changed her life. I went for a visit of over a week to help her plan what to do with the money. Your lifestyle has to change, this money can help you make that change. Less than 2 years later the money was gone, the phone calls started again.....sad.

Last night I again said NO. She still goes to a tanning bed once a week, has her hair professionally done every 2 weeks (we wouldn't want the roots to show), can't do without the cell phone, the top of the line cable package is all the entertainment she has, she can't do without the lawn service, she works 5 days a week people. I could go on and on. I once again explained to her that her lifestyle was the problem, not the lack of money.

She doesn't think it is fair that hubby and I have leftover money each pay period to put into savings, we have a home that is oh so close to being paid off, and a retirement account to boot. How can you be so greedy? You give money to charity but you can't help me, how unfair is that? At 53 years old she will never change but I don't have to be apart of her crazy ways so I will continue to say NO and have a sleepless night every now and then.

It seems to me our country has more and more people just like my family member. I want what I want and I want it now. You should make sure I get it. We should all be equal in every way lifestyle and money included.

Sorry for the long winded post tonight.


  1. GOOD. FOR. YOU!!!! God helps the who help themselves! ;) She is absolutely clueless & it is NOT your responsibility to make sure her bills are ad after she spends all her money on her own selfish "wants"!! Ugh! Some people never learn! :/

  2. Yikes, I would not give her another penny! She needs to grow up! Can you talk directly to her daughter about paying her tuition? She can send you a bill from school or something? I would not give any physical money to Mom again. And I think it's so nice of you to help out her daughter with school!

  3. well done for staying strong......some people have no shame, I have a cousin who sounds very similar but her parents just can't see that they are being manipulated.

  4. Sounds like you have been MORE than fair to this person and at 53 she is an adult and should be standing on her own two feet - glad you got it off your chest. On another note, I have finally taken the plunge and started my first quilt - spent 3 hours and managed to cut about 15 'perfect' squares .... that can't be right - what am I doing wrong? Hope you feel better today. xxx

  5. Wowsers that is pathetic. Nerve? yes, grow up is right, unfortunately no mind to age, some people never do so you have to do the "tough love". Even though it is difficult, Debby, try not to loose any sleep over it (I am one to talk as I know I would :().

  6. I know people like that - for some reason they feel that they are "entitled" to a certain lifestyle even if they can't afford it. I really can't understand that mind set as it's so alien to the way I was brought up. I'm so glad you have cut her off.

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  8. good for you!!!! The first NO is always the hardest but stick to your guns